When someone is kind to me...when someone does a nice giving, self-serving thing for me without my asking them to, or even without my knowing about it, it is a beautiful gift. But if that same someone points out that good deed they did as something they can now hold over my head in order to wring from me my love or obedience or devotion to them, and if I don't give it I shall be harmed or even destroyed as punishment...then it's no longer a beautiful gift. It is blackmail.